This time in four years, Rodders, we’ll win the World Cup

Why England’s constant failure isn’t all bad news

In 1996, sitcom royalty Only Fools and Horses decided to make Del-Boy a Millionaire. After 15 years and countless attempts we’d finally witnessed the craftiest of cockneys realise his ambition. And yet to our surprise it didn’t sit as well with him as we’d anticipated.

Of course he was elated, who wouldn’t be? But there was a scene at the end of the Christmas Trilogy where Del finds himself in the flat, on the phone, trying to do a deal. At that point, Rodney breaks the news that “we’re not in the business anymore, mate”, and we see a little sadness etched on his brother’s face.

He’d achieved his goal, but now the thrill of the chase was over. There was nothing to strive for anymore, as if his sole purpose in life had suddenly been taken away from him. It’s the reason Only Fools should’ve been canned at that point, but that’s another story.

So what of England? What if that penalty had found the net, and they’d gone to beat Morocco, etc, etc? Would the next day have suddenly been declared a Bank Holiday? Would the New Year’s honours list be full to bursting? You can make your own minds up as to which of those is the safer bet, but much like Del-Boy’s dreams coming true, how would life as an England fan be if all those years of hurt ended? If we actually won the World Cup or Euros?

After a few days the euphoria would die down and things would be back to something like normal, although it would undoubtedly be great for the nation’s soul – it’s what it craves, after all. There’s a wave of optimism in every bar and around every corner when there’s a major tournament going on. England fans know it won’t be easy but there’s genuine hope in abundance.

Imagine if that was replaced with a huge wave of expectancy because we’d successfully negotiated seven games of football; if we can do it once then why not again and again. The mythical arrogance that some love to perpetuate, which is actually the aforementioned optimism, might become a real thing with some fans. The innocence of all the hopes and dreams harboured in every English heart would lose some of its romantic edge; the camaraderie of coming together in bars would carry an air of cynicism; the rollercoaster of emotions experienced over several weeks would cease to be exactly that.

If you think it stings as an England fan, think of how they felt on the beaches of Copacabana and Ipanema the day after Brazil crashed out to Croatia; or the streets of Milan and Naples when Italy failed to even qualify (again). Those nations, where football is a religion, are used to far more success than a lone tournament victory. If England suddenly got into the winning habit then expectations would be even higher than they are now, which comes with the disappointment to match.

And at least we have actually won it before. Including England, only eight nations have landed the big one, plus we remain the only country to win all three of sport’s major world cups – football, cricket and rugby – which is something to be extremely proud of. Also, you can’t be good at everything all of the time, and wouldn’t it all be a bit too predictable if we were.

We’d all love a repeat of ’66, as much as Del and Rodders yearned to be rich. The point is that it’s also great to enjoy the ride until it ends, whichever stage that might be at. So the next time the Three Lions don’t bring football home, remember that it’s not all bad news.