That’s the 2026 Novelty Early Whistle Traveller’s World Cup
First off, if you can think of a better descriptive beginning with ‘N’, or a better acronym in fact, then pretty please, post it in the comments. Now that’s out of the way, as it is but once every four years, FIFA’s showpiece event is always something to celebrate. So here’s an alternative, neatly combining the World Cup with world travel.
Destinations with multiple strings to their bow will go deep in this tournament; one-dimensional play will only get you so far. It does make you wonder, if they’d qualified, how nations such as Italy, Greece and Costa Rica would have fared, but we’ll never know. Much like you’ll never know how the group games went, as for the sake of relative brevity, we’re beginning this feature at the knockout phase. Who’s going to lift the trophy? Let’s find out…
Last 32
Even with its canals, tulips and cheese, the Netherlands failed to make it past the group stage, but no major shocks to report elsewhere. Some plucky minnows, namely Cape Verde Islands, Uzbekistan and New Zealand crashed out here, with heavyweights France, Argentina and Germany also shown the World Cup exit door. The likes of more under-the-radar nations going home – Sweden, Croatia, Morocco – didn’t exactly send shockwaves through the tournament.
Last 16
This was a bridge too far for Norway, Scotland and Jordan, whilst Curacao proved that, as much as we love white sand and swaying palms, it’s not quite enough at this stage. The standout tie of the round, which saw Colombia take on Portugal, went the way of the South Americans, whose combination of Carribbean coastline, Amazon rainforests and cool Andean air was enough to see off the Portuguese’s vibrant cities, Algarve beaches, and not forgetting Cliff Richard‘s vineyards.
Quarter-finals
It seems that international football mirrors international travel, as England yet again couldn’t see off the USA, despite being one of the most diverse countries on earth, pound-for-pound. Meanwhile, medieval Central European history overcame its ancient Aztec counterpart, as Czechia (or is it the Czech Republic?)knocked out Mexico in what was on paper the most evenly-matched game of the last eight.
Semi-finals
Having come through a thriller against Australia, Colombia had well and truly done the hard yards to set up a showdown with South Africa. To be honest, a slightly higher count in the flora and fauna stakes probably sealed it for the latter, but in the other semi it was a real David against Goliath clash, as Czechia (them again) took on the might of the good ol’ US of A. As much as the nation with more cathedrals and picturesque streets than any other gave it their best shot, it wasn’t enough to dispose of ‘gators, skyscrapers and craft beer-makers.
The Final
Fittingly, one of the three hosts made it to the last hurdle. As it represents the most pointless game of football in existence, you’ll be spared the 3rd/4th place playoff (sorry Czechia and Colombia). So to USA v South Africa it is, both home to a vast array of landscapes, wildlife and cultures.
If there’s a tighter NEWT final in the years to come you’ll be in for a treat, but on the basis of punching for its relative size, it has to be the Rainbow Nation in this sidden-death World Cup situation. Congrats, South Africa!
The Early Whistle 